The elephant

I am like an elephant . I trudge slowly along trying to get the jobs done . Then at last I plunder the lot snorting in anger about the disaster that threatens . I hate that I am like this . I desperately want change bit fall into the same pattern again leaving me hoarse and unheard again as my son is blatantly  obvious . Like a pimple , the face is not seen for the red blotch forming a bulls eye . All the legitimate concerns I have fall to smithereens as people scoff at the poor example I set for our children let alone the neighbours . I’m certain my husband sees me as an eyesore . Anyhow no use getting g hung up on it . I need to relent and repent but firstly I need to find the strength to do either . I am tired of endless conversations trying to resolve one issue that end up curtailing to an issue totally left field . I do t know what is fair and unreasonable now . What to base these expectations on ? I will cut off contact from those around me . Interaction seems futile , it only serves to sabotage tho ha further . All today’s events were a chore . Sad realising that I struggled to find enjoyment in pretty much all I did . Yes it was kinda nice seeing kids lick their ice cream, seeing my son share about his trip ....but now my head hurts, throat hurts and I feel discouraged to try further . Thankfully tomorrow  i usually feel more motivate pd to try again , to forgive myself and others for their neglect.